People, please grow up. This makes no sense. Just because you discover you are happy with a result you didn't plan, or thought you didn't want, doesn't mean it was "meant to be." It simply means you've come to terms with whatever happened and found the things that make where you are now, good.
If it is "God's plan" that I not have a biological child, wouldn't it be better to give me some unambiguous condition - like being born without a uterus - rather than put me through the hell of trying, trying, failing, trying, losing, losing, trying, losing, trying, failing, failing, and ultimately having to make Sophie's Choice?
If it is "meant to be" that I raise a particular child, isn't there a better way to bring us together than by putting me through infertility and loss, putting a birthmother through the most painful decision a woman can ever make, and putting the child through a lifelong struggle with identity and grief?
If bad things happen "for a reason," um, what IS that reason? What is the reason for my twins being sick? What is the reason for my friend's baby to die in her womb at 29 weeks? What is the reason for another friend being so violently raped at age 12 that she can never bear children? Seriously, what is it?
"Meant to be" is a copout. Pure and simple. We most certainly can - and do - find meaning in our lives in the wake of horrible tragedy, or love a life that doesn't look like we thought it would. But that doesn't mean some sadistic consciousness planned it that way.
The way I see it, there are pretty much four possibilities:
- There is a God, and all these things happen specifically according to His plan. This would mean God is (to quote a friend) fucked up.
- There is a God, all these things are caused by Satan, and God allows them because to stop them would mean intervening in Creation, which would entirely negate our ability to have free will. This would mean that praying is pointless, and also that there is no such thing as miracles, since God doesn't intervene one way or another.
- It's all B.S. There's no God, no ultimate truth, and really no reason to bother being ethical because all we have is this life and then we die. This would mean ethics are pointless, and hedonism is surely the way to go.
- There is a Universal Truth, a unity of matter and spirit, that is worthy of awe. However, this Truth is not a "god" and did not consciously create us, nor does it control or interfere with the Universe in any way. This would mean we can build meaningful, ethical lives through the choices we make, regardless of whatever chance events - good or bad - happen to us.
YES!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI was saying something similar to this to my friend (who is at church right now) in the car last night. God doesn't make sense. Because either God is up there picking and choosing who's prayers he listens to and who's child will die etc etc etc (sort of 1 & 2)or God is simply sitting there watching the world go by and doing nothing about any of it (2). Personally I'm with you on the #4 idea.
HERE THE FUCK HERE.
ReplyDeleteI am a #4 kinda girl.
And when I posted a rant about "it was meant to be" on my blog, a commenter suggested that if I were to respond to this statement with violence, then that must be God's Plan, too. I wish I had thought of that, because I have often wanted to punch people who say stoopid shit like this.
One more thing: I used to believe in an old man in the sky, until I took my first trip to a third world country. After that, I couldn't believe in prayers answered, because what kind of sadistic jerk gives the poorest of the poor an earthquake, while giving rich suburbanites [insert excessive whatever here]. Nope. I'm not buying it.
And it's good to see you blogging again. I keep checking back here, and I miss you.
ReplyDeleteI have such, um, "issues" with most theology that I hear spouted about. I, too, have changed the way that I understand the divine in our lives and "truth."
ReplyDeleteAll of those things you listed are really stoopid things to say to someone in pain. I've had some of them said to me. Yeah, stfu. (Um, not you, the eejits who said them to me.)
who said "meant to be" to you recently? And let me know, so I can go smack them upside the old noggin for ya.
ReplyDelete#4 here, loud and clear. I also belive there is no justice in the world. It's just day to day, ordinary people, going about their lives, trying to make the best of the situations given them and what they were born into. Some have it easier than others, plain and simple. No rhyme or reason for that.
ReplyDeleteNice post, PoT.
Sunshine