Clarification

In the light of day, and sober, I realize I want to clarify two things I wrote last night.

First, I actually always did plan to adopt. I just thought it would be after I had a biological child. So what I'm really angry about is being forced to do it (a) without having had a biological child, and (b) now, without ever having been pregnant, because of finances. I don't know, somehow I just had it in my head that the first time I parented a newborn, that baby would have come out of my body. Dumb that it matters so much. I can't quite figure out why. Anyway, the point is, I'm not really as bitter about adoption as it sounded last night - if I were I wouldn't be going forward with it. But more on that later. I still feel weird talking about it.

Second clarification is that donor egg doesn't cost $50K here. I was just saying that if I had $50K, I could do a donor cycle and still have enough left over to adopt if it didn't work. As it stands now a donor cycle would take everything I have - and if it didn't work I'd be SOL, no kid and not able to adopt. So it really does make sense to adopt now, save my money and try donor later.

And no, I don't really even have a headache. Gotta love Lillet ;)