Tuesday, May 19, 2009

It's Official

Negative beta. Out of 17 tries - 17! - one BFP. Which, of course, didn't result in a live baby. Holy crap. That's actually pathetic.

I have to say I'm a little stunned. I never *actually* thought I'd end up here. Despite everything, I really believed, on some level, that I'd escape the statistics.

Went to my last acupuncture treatment for the foreseeable future tonight. Fittingly, it was in the same room as my first treatment over a year ago, when I was still naive and thought this was all a mental battle that I would win. Now I'm just hoping it will bring on AF, which is MIA due to the progesterone injections.

I am actually looking forward to the extra time I'll have in my life going forward. And, truth be told, the extra money. Interesting that both donor egg and adoption cost $30K, but between the Federal Government and my employer I'll get $18K back from the adoption route. That's a pretty amazing difference. A year's worth of child care, or more.

So. No more wheatgrass. Real coffee this morning. Pleasantly fuzzy on Lillet tonight. Ativan if I can't sleep. And no ass injection at 9:30 tonight. Guess I'm free. Rah.
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12 comments:

  1. QuiltingChaosMay 19, 2009 at 11:22 PM

    I'm sorry...

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  2. gwinneMay 20, 2009 at 9:13 AM

    Oh, I am so sorry.

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  3. AnonymousMay 20, 2009 at 9:52 AM

    I'm really sorry. Not sure what else to say. Thinking of you.

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  4. DoraMay 20, 2009 at 10:12 AM

    So sorry. This really sucks! Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

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  5. BillyMay 20, 2009 at 12:01 PM

    I am so sorry. It really sucks.
    ~hugs~

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  6. ShelliMay 20, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    I'm sorry. It sucks. Now granted, we're BIG adoption advocates, but don't forget a bit of time for you to mourn this loss/process, too. You beat me by 1 try - we tried 16 cycles. Woah.

    Did you check out Spence-chapin.org ? they are a non-profit, and only charge a percentage of your income, 1/2 of which is due at completion of homestudy, and 1/2 after placement... Our big running joke is that it cost less money adopting our children than it did trying to get me knocked up. Sad, huh.

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  7. 'Murgdan'May 20, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    I'm free too. Rah Rah Rah....fucking rah.

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  8. Grade AMay 20, 2009 at 5:43 PM

    I'm so sorry. I hope you are treating yourself gently.

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  9. AnonymousMay 20, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    Shit, I'm really sorry.

    I've got nothing for you, I'm just sorry.

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  10. battynurseMay 21, 2009 at 3:41 AM

    I'm sorry. I know this is so freaking frustrating. The upsides are no more shots. I wish I had something else to say. Other than the whole donor egg thing is less expensive here. I checked with my doc and it's 15K for a split donor cycle or 15K with your own donor. I find myself thinking about the adoption thing too. Not sure what the answer is.

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  11. Fat ChickMay 23, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    I haven't commented because every time I try I end up railing at the universe instead. I, too, am so sorry, and wish you peace in the days to come. That, and lots of booze and coffee and sushi and tuna salad (oh how I miss the tuna salad) and all the other things TTC forbids.

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  12. KristinMay 30, 2009 at 11:04 PM

    I am so damned sorry (and how the hell did I miss seeing this earlier)! {{{Hugs}}}

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