So Tired

So I guess this is the existential angst part of my blog.

I'm having one of those days where I'm just overwhelmed by life. The problems of the world seem too huge to even attempt anything. I try to do my job but what that means is unclear, so I ask questions to clarify it and proceed, then discover that the answers I got weren't necessarily right. And everybody in the room looks at me and says, OK, L, how do you want to proceed?

Uh, wasn't I asking *you*?

And bad parenting. I got all fired up during the President's speech on Wednesday - YES, we can, YES, education needs funding but parents have to step up to the plate. Then I witness something like the woman on the train yesterday and I think, my God, maybe that was her response to the President. Oh, I need to be involved with my child's education, OK, I'll "help" him with his worksheet on the train in the morning. But then it turns into abuse instead. How can we make any progress on social issues when there are so many f*cked up parents in the world?

And troubled people. So many troubled people. Myself included, of course, but at least I know I'm troubled and try to do something about it. My dad is having all kinds of medical tests right now because he keeps having these "dizzy spells" that make him fear he's having a heart attack (he's had blocked arteries in the past). So far (thank God) everything is clean, and I personally think he's having panic attacks. They do run in the family - I had them in college. But he absolutely CANNOT admit this possibility. So on he goes with test after invasive, expensive test. God forbid he should see a therapist. Therapists are evil, unchristian people anyway, right?

Ugh. What a mood. I may have to go eat a cupcake. Except that I'm trying to eat only out of hunger these days, and I know good and well that (a) I'm not really hungry, (b) if I were it wouldn't be for a cupcake, and (c) although the cupcake would taste good for a minute, afterwards I would just feel yucky and not any less angsty than before I ate it.

Is this the hormones? I hope so, cuz I really feel like I just want to lay down on the floor and cry. Sorry for the downer post, but I'm not sure what the point of anything is right at this moment.