Okay, okay already!

So I have been getting grief from certain friends because I have not updated my blog. Honestly I just haven't felt like I had much to say. But here's the latest, in case anyone has been wondering.

I have not had acupuncture in - I dunno, two months? Three? No nasty herbs, bee pollen, co-Q10, DIM, wheatgrass, sardines or pumpkin seeds. Averaging 2-3 glasses of wine a week, Weight Watchers be damned. Coffee every morning, diet Coke every afternoon and evening. Plenty of ice-cold drinks. Salad. Soy. Absolutely no freaking idea what CD I am on - only have some sense of the length of my cycles because the last one came bizarrely early and I had to look it up (18 days. Uhh, perimenopause, anyone?) No dildocam, no needle tracks on my arms, no early morning trips across town, no getting in late for work. OK, well, maybe a little late here and there.

I've started back on the meds I cut three years ago when I started TTC, and they are working brilliantly. It's humbling, realizing I am just a bundle of fucked-up neurotransmitters, but I am awfully thankful I live in the age where they can be at least somewhat unfucked by medication - otherwise I'd probably be permanently stuck in bed, suffering from aluminum pan poisoning and having long conversations with the TV. Not really. More like just permanently stuck in bed. At any rate, the house is now much cleaner and I've done crazy things like build furniture (from a kit, people) to hold some of my kitchen clutter. Stuff like I used to do. Well, sorta. I have yet to remember how to actually have fun, or to really reconnect with the friends I lost to IF hell.

In all seriousness, I'm getting healthy enough now to realize just how small my life has become. I had a lovely day today - slept until noon, moved kitchen clutter into the above-described cabinet, went for a pricey pedicure, then had dinner in a Soho restaurant by myself, reading a murder mystery while putting away a high-end burger, fries and a nice Barbera. Came home to find roommate and baby already asleep. So I've basically been alone all day... and enjoyed it immensely. I think that's a little weird. Somehow I have to remember how to be with people, although the difficult thing is that I'm not the person I used to be, so it's not really so much remembering as it is creating something new. Which, of course, is work - it's a lot easier to poke around on Facebook and get my toes done.

Adoption. I guess I just don't feel much like talking about adoption, although the process is moving along. Maybe it's that I talked so damn much about TTC in the beginning, then ended up regretting it when my hopes were dashed again and again, and my earlier excitement came to seem naive and ridiculous. So now I'm being close-mouthed, moving forward but not giving it too much focus lest I be disappointed again.

The super-high-level overview is that my application is in, along with big fat check and lots and lots of legal forms. Waiting for the fingerprint card and the criminal clearances. Waiting for my agency to review my DBM letter. Waiting, in fact, for my agency to say something, ANYTHING since they cashed said big fat check a week and a half ago. I was giving them until yesterday (Friday), since when I called a week ago they told me I could expect a response by the end of the week. Now I am pissed and gearing myself up for a WTF call on Monday. We'll see.

Oh, and the homestudy. Thing is, it has to be the very last thing I do, since I need to wait until my roommate(s) move out. And that is getting a little complicated, since the original plan was for my roommate to move back to London in September to become a full-time student, and for various reasons she's now having second thoughts. But I can't really have her stay while I'm waiting - a baby can come at any time, with very little notice, and I DO NOT want to bring my newborn home to a chaotic house (which a house with an 18-month-old is, by necessity). And there is no way she could find a new apartment, and move all her stuff and the baby, with a few days or a couple of weeks notice. So we'll see about that too. But the plan is to do everything BUT the homestudy now (if only my damn agency would call me back), then finish up the home study in mid-September and get the show on the road.

So there's the latest. I apologize for having been a lousy blog-friend lately - I do check in on you guys periodically, but mostly I've been laying low. Might be that way for a while. But I think about all of you often and check up on you from time to time.