Secrets and Lies

I've been thinking about The Secret lately. I did go through a brief Secret period very early on in this fertility nightmare. I sent my vibes out to the universe, feng shui'd my bedroom, etc., etc. Lately, as you might expect, I'm not quite so keen on it.

Now, OK, I have had some experiences in my life that make me wonder if there's something to the whole "intend it and it will manifest" thing. Most of them have to do with money - things I want or need, but simply can't afford. Another way always presents itself - finding a student exchange program that accepted my U.S. scholarship as tuition, getting work study and scholarships for graduate school, buying my apartment directly from my existing landlord, switching jobs and suddenly having at least some IVF coverage, finding angels willing to help when my meds coverage ran out. And other things too - I decided when I moved to New York that I was going to meet Madeleine L'Engle (children's author), and lo and behold I ended up taking writing workshops that met in her home. I wanted to get into advertising when there were no jobs, but I got one anyway. I wanted to become an information architect without formal training, and here I am. I have always been able to make things happen.

The problem is, all these things, and 99.8% of the things they talk about on The Secret, are a matter of creativity and perseverance. Money, relationships and jobs you really can have influence over, and attitude and patience are half the battle. But there are other things that creativity and perseverance just don't have a damn thing to do with.

Take health, for example. Of course The Secret does have stories of people who have healed themselves, recovered from horrific injuries, etc., etc. And I know there is evidence of a mind/body connection in medicine. But you know, there are some health-related things that just don't fall into this category. Like, I don't think the purveyors of The Secret would ever tell an amputee that if they just want it badly enough, their arm or leg would grow back. Well, maybe some of the really out-there quantum theory people might say it's possible, but no reasonable person would go there.

The problem is that there's a distinction between knowing you'll get what you want, and knowing HOW you'll get it. And, unless you're ready to go out on the fringe, there are some things that are just not gettable in the particular era you happen to inhabit. Plain and simple. Like as of today, if you are an amputee and you want to walk again, you absolutely can... but you are not going to do it on a re-grown limb. If you are a quadriplegic and you want to be able to get around by yourself, you can... but you're not going to do it outside a wheelchair. If you are infertile - TRULY infertile - you can be a parent... but you're not going to give birth to your genetic child, and possibly not to any child. Period.

Fertility is very tricky in this regard, because there is a huge spectrum people can be on. For many - I'd say most - it's a matter of effort plus patience. Julia Indichova is, I think, an example of this. You just convince yourself it's going to happen, and this certainty gives you the strength to do what has to be done, and the patience to wait until it actually works. On the other hand, there are some people who aren't going to conceive their genetic child and carry it to term, no matter what they do or how long they wait. The problem is that most of us have absolutely no way of knowing where on the spectrum we fall.

So what to do? Is The Secret real, or is it a load of crap?

Personally, I've concluded that (like most spiritual philosophies) it can be a useful tool to help us stay sane and be as successful as possible as we navigate this chaos we call life. But it's not absolute truth, and it sure as hell ain't no guarantee.